I'm Not Broken

What if You Weren’t Broken?

I’m a self-help junkie.  I admit it.

I love all those little life hacks. I listen to the How Much Meat is Too Much Meat podcast. I once attended a seminar called How to Manifest Everything You Could Possibly Want in Life. I’ve experienced all kinds of coaching programs, machines and cleanses.

The Appointment

My obsession really peaked a few years ago when I sensed something wrong with my being. My physical issues were minor, but I just didn’t feel all that great. I’d been eating Paleo for about a year and a half.  I had been hoping for better energy levels after being diagonosed with  SIBO (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth).  My business partner of 12 years left our retail venture. I was also ready for a change, but couldn’t financially support a buy-out. Life was not going my way.

I saw a holistic doctor and she ran several tests. While most of my results weren’t alarming, I did have a higher-than-desired A1c level. Yep—5.7 baby. Translation: I’m pre-diabetic.

This holistic doctor became very focused on helping me achieve a particular A1c level. And her obsession was contagious.

I’d been trying to “fix” myself ever since. I believe that what you put into your body can account for up to 80% of your health, so I got on board, cutting out carbs and sugar.

But I should have known better. Good health isn’t just measured by A1c levels. Good health is measured by so much more.

My Aha Moment

Then last week I was hiking along the Highline Canal with my golden retriever, Sage. I had Marc David’s Institute for the Psychology of Eating podcast in my ears and here’s what he said to his guest: “I know you’re trying to help yourself and fix yourself, but there’s a place where you’re not broken here.”  

Hmmm.  He went on to say even if your actions are the same, thinking you’re “broken” and trying to “fix yourself” adds an unwanted element of stress into the entire process. Was I adding unneeded shame to my self-worth?

A Change of Mindset

What if I’m not broken? What if I am perfectly fine, just not where I want to be in life right now?  What if my control over food and exercise is just a way of dealing with feeling out of control in so many other areas of my life? What if I framed my seeking as “growing” instead of “fixing”?

This doesn’t mean I’m going to stop being a self-help junkie. This doesn’t mean that all the hacks, programs, tests, sessions and courses I’ve completed so far weren’t worth it. This isn’t the end. It’s just the beginning. It’s the beginning of tackling my self-improvement with a new spirit.

I’m not broken, I’m just human. Less fixing. More growing.