So You Want to Be A Stay At Home Mom?

Do you go to work and dream of quitting so you can devote more time to your family?  Or are you with your family 24/7 and dream of having some “mommy-free” time? Maybe something that feeds YOUR soul?

It’s been a year since I sold my business of 15 years and became a SAHM.  I told myself that once I was free from the chains of a brick and mortar store, I would finally go through years of memories (ok, junk) that has accumulated in the basement, have healthy, homemade meals on the table every night followed by family game nights.  I would be in amazing shape because I could hike or paddle board whenever I wanted to. And don’t forget the incredible social life, because I could finally hang out with friends again.

Ask me how much of that came true.  From the looks of my basement, none of it.  Nada. Nil. Zippo.

The grass always looks greener in my neighbor’s yard. I think it’s basic human nature for many SAHM’s to think their working counterparts have it easy.  We get the struggles they face, but aren’t they lucky to have adult conversations and lunch somewhere other than a restaurant that features mac n cheese and chicken tenders?  Likewise, when I was a working mom, I wondered what in the world moms of school-age kids did all day.

Well, I’m here to tell you that neither side of the fence is pretty.  

The biggest challenge I’ve faced this past year as a stay at home mom has been MONEY.  I’ve worked since I was 10 years old. I bought my first house all by myself, with my own money.  I’ve never relied on anyone and I still don’t want to. And I’m not alone. I’ve talked to friends who have been SAHM’s for the past 12 years and still struggle with it. A friend of mine has a degree in biology and a masters in journalism and still becomes livid every April when she fills out her tax form with her occupation as “Homemaker”, income “0”.

I hate feeling like I don’t have equal say because I don’t make equal pay now. I hate feeling like I’m not contributing to the ever-growing list of things that cost money - tutoring, sports, food, clothes, not to mention a vacation.  I hate feeling like I can’t buy myself anything “frivolous” (like a new pair of sneakers when mine get holes in them). I hate feeling like every penny I spend is sucking the family dry and I am helpless in making a difference. Note: This is how I feel.  It’s not what is dictated to me by anyone else, most importantly my husband. I may just be super sensitive, but I’m guessing I’m not the only one who feels like this.

Some families get creative. I know of one husband who pays his wife a yearly salary for her stay at home work.  While, in theory, I like this idea I don’t think I’d be too crazy about having my husband as my boss. So I decided to become my own boss...again.  Only this time I’m all about the “side hustle”. I continue to sell a little bit of pet food to friends and family at a deep discount, which doesn’t make me much money but it makes our pets happy.  I took my passion for health and became a Primal Health Coach and am now incorporating a “Mind, Body Nutrition” approach through my coursework at the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. But the one thing that has brought me the most financial freedom has been becoming a Consultant with Beautycounter, a safer skincare company.  I loved the company but was incredibly skeptical about it. After all, I’m not exactly “that makeup girl” nor do I have beautiful skin. Who in the world would look to me for help? Turns out, when you’ve got safer, high-performing products, are a Certified B-Corp and are incredibly well-known for your education and advocacy work, people trust you and want your products.

This isn’t a story about how I now make so much money that my husband could quit his job and we now vacation 9 months out of the year. (oh, how I wish!)  But it is a story about feeling better about myself. Maybe if the house were a little cleaner and the meals a little tastier and more consistent, I wouldn’t feel such a strong need to contribute financially to our family.  But who am I kidding? Working is too ingrained in me and my need to be an entrepreneur is as strong as my need to breathe. So my side hustles are the perfect solution. And maybe this year I’ll find the time to hike and SUP.